Swipe left, swipe right: Playing the dating game

For 35-year-old Jaizi Abedania, a photographer in Brooklyn, online dating is a game of looks, wits, and swipes.

“I feel like back in the day, dating online was more about people who are a bit socially awkward, who wouldn’t dare approach someone they’re attracted to in real life, and it was sort of a safer way to test the waters before diving in,” she said.

In the fast-paced smartphone age, dating has evolved from lengthy compatibility questionnaires, to quick swipes, instant messaging and hundreds of diverse apps to choose from. The multitude of dating apps and services are all designed with one goal in mind: to connect people and keep them swiping, so much it almost feels like a game to beat, with the prize being instant gratification.

“With dating apps, if it doesn’t work out and you’re not feeling any chemistry, you can easily go back to swiping and play again, just with more people,” added Abedenia. “Apps make it so convenient for people to get back in the game.”

By “gamifying” dating apps through algorithms, instant rewarding features and interactive design, one can find a suitable partner at the ease of their fingertips.

“There is a physiological aspect to it; a release of dopamine,” psychotherapist Junice Rockman says on KUT 90.5. "When we get that text back, or that heart or that share, or that like or that comment, that gives a sense of euphoria. But also from an identity standpoint, it also informs validation that so many of us are seeking – that immediate gratification and validation."

According to Pew Research Center, 15 percent of adults in the U.S. have used online dating websites or mobile dating apps, with the biggest users 18 to 24-year-olds. 4 out of 10 American adults know someone who uses the Internet and apps to help navigate their love life, and 6 in 10 of those agree that meeting online is a good way to connect.

Zoe Strimpel, a researcher at the University of Sussex who studies online relationships, says that “in simplifying and making portable the service, as well as making photos the main event, apps have managed to also make dating cool.”

“Apps have more premium features; the attempt to offer 'exclusive' services, or, in the case of Tinder etc, more control over geography. This has made apps more similar to the sites of yore,” Strimpel said.

Though the technology has changed since the 1990’s, the original concept of online dating—matchmaking two people, based on commonalities—remains unchanged.

One of the pioneers, eHarmony.com, was established in 2000 with a goal of “matching compatible couples likely to have a long-term relationship,” according to its History of Online Dating. (eHarmony’s original questionnaire was 450 questions, but has since been reduced to 150.)

Almost online dating service now has its accompanying mobile app, including eHarmony and the even-older Match.com, both of which include a paid subscription for more features. Even OkCupid--the first major dating site to provide free, unlimited instant messaging without a paywall--now boasts 1 million app installs per week.

In its nearly 15 years of match-making, OkCupid has gone from traditional question-and-answer dating site to almost mimicking Tinder on the mobile app with its swiping, closed messaging and mutual liking features.

Using the apps on a regular basis helps daters understand the app's algorithm, which is like “leveling up” with rewards: more swipes, interested matches, and opportunities to connect.

With the 2012 invention of Tinder--a location-based social dating app that allows users to choose between matches by swiping left (“dislike”) and right (“like”), the game was not only changed, but somewhat simplified.

Matching users based on area and common interests turned out to be a quick and simple way to meet people, and swiping became a regular pastime for user on their commutes and in classrooms.

“It’s convenient; when I’m home eating dinner, I could go shopping for a boyfriend,” said Abedania.

Other dating apps and services have been quick to follow on the fast-tapping and swiping trend, including OKCupid, where users can swipe yes or no to people around them; Grindr (geared toward gay and bisexual men), Bumble (where women make the first move), and Coffee Meets Bagel (where matches are limited per day, and women choose who they chat with among the men who express interest).

Mobile dating services have also diversified, both for convenience and compatibility. Hinge matches users with friends of friends, based on their Facebook profiles, while newer apps like Pheramor collects social media data and biology--paying users can send their DNA with a cheek swab “genetic testing kit”--to make (almost perfect) matches.

Many agree that "playing the game”—beating the complex algorithm, or the “Final Boss” of dating apps—have made its regular users tired and restless.

Strimpel wrote about how millennials use dating apps to simply pass the time, creating a “new emotional climate...one of boredom and amusement-seeking, and a lifestyle in which date-seeking, but not necessarily dating itself, serves as a casual hobby rather than an awkward, laborious, money- and time-intensive effort it might take to meet a soulmate when serendipity has failed.”

Nowadays, people use social dating apps for a variety of reasons and relationships, both casual and serious.

Jennifer Manning, 39, a sales representative in Boston, switched from Tinder to Bumble to find a diverse and quality range of men.

“Even though women make the first move, it’s still hard to find a connection. I had to always keep doing background checks on the guy, to make sure he’s not lying about his age or married, or asking for money,” she shared.

Nicholas Marquez, from Chino Hills, California, met his girlfriend over Bumble. He first used dating apps more casually.

“The more I used the apps, the more I lost sight of what my true objective was, and got caught up in the ‘fun’ of just dating around, and not worrying about the actual issue of commitment," Marquez, 22, shared. "Through some miracle, I actually got a girlfriend from it.""

Spencer Banks, a programmer in Los Angeles, recently switched to Hinge after using Tinder and Bumble for several years. Banks, 29, said using dating apps is overall risky when looking for long-term relationships, especially when people are not honest in their bios/profiles--it can feel like playing a guessing game, where you avoid being catfished.

Abedania agrees that using dating apps feel like “putting up numbers--the more you swipe, the more success there is you’ll match with someone. And the more you match, the bigger the opportunity to actually go on dates, and that’s seen as a huge victory.”

But Abedania worries about the overall hokeyness of a game she’s played for a long time.

“You still have no idea who people really are. You’re reduced to 5 or 6 pictures and a couple lines of description, but is that realistic? It takes years and years to actually get to know someone. It’s like, the worst game ever.”